Illusionist

I dug in to his bag of tricks
Fell for his abracadabra and his magic stick–
I didn’t mean to fall
I should’ve stopped after the first trip–
I didn’t believe in magic but I was infatuated with his–
I forfeited my womanhood
When he turned me into another bitch–
Participant in his freak show
Spell-bound off the tip
And more and them some–
I didn’t invent him
He was real but an illusion
Can you understand my confusion?
I need to get out this trance
I lost my stance–
I fell into his top hat
And in a snap got pulled out–
Now my heart is full of doubt
Was it magic or just tragic?
In the meantime I’ll just pull out
My rabbit…

-ChristinaDelCarmen

Hour Glass

How can I say my heart is broken?

Since you’ve been gone, I have felt
Every second of each minute, borrowed
From any hour, made a slave to
Each day I think of you.

I have held the wait of every
Drop of sand in this fragile glass,
With the same anticipation–
I felt before our first kiss became our last.

So, if my heart is broken–
What do I blame for how I feel?

-ChristinaDelCarmen

Pain Is Easy

I can’t help it…
I have a pain in my heart,
The more I try to dissect it
It breaks me apart.
I’m constantly lying to myself:
One day I’ll fall in love through a kiss
But I had a negative reaction to the spell.
I try to fix my broken heart
In these poems-
But all they do is emphasize that
I’ve always been in love…alone.
Shakespeare said, “What’s in a name?
That which we call a rose by any other
Name would smell as sweet.”
Well…love is pain and it’s all the same bitter scent to me.
Would Romeo and Juliet
Stand a chance if they could’ve been together?
Would their story make such an impact
If the clock was set to forever?
I wasn’t always this way
I used to believe in magic-
But love experienced me to say
That it is nothing else but tragic.
I used to anticipate first kisses
That’ll lead me to becoming a Mrs.
But when I gave my heart-
It was returned drained and in pieces.
Why do I fall in love with
These blood-sucking leeches?
I tried being a “good woman,”
Be loyal to a man
Accept his flaws, make him beautiful
Be as understanding as I can.
But what did love do for me?
Infect me with ills. My prescription
Is to swallow this fucking bitter pill. So
I rather deal with the pain.To know nothing is
Meant to last. That people fall out of
Love and their future becomes a past.
Pain is easy, I’ve learn to sabotage
Any potential. If I feel caterpillars about
To transform to butterflies, I fuck up and
Make it look accidental. Pain is easy,
I’m in a long-lasting relationship with sadness.
It has made me realistic and forget love
And all its madness.

-ChristinaDelCarmen