How can I say my heart is broken?
Since you’ve been gone, I have felt
Every second of each minute, borrowed
From any hour, made a slave to
Each day I think of you.
I have held the wait of every
Drop of sand in this fragile glass,
With the same anticipation–
I felt before our first kiss became our last.
So, if my heart is broken–
What do I blame for how I feel?
-ChristinaDelCarmen
Heartbreak Queen:
Let down your guard
Before you take off your dress,
Don’t you know making love
Is better than having sex.
Heartbreak Queen:
Stop pushing away the good guys,
Not every word they say
Is constructed out of lies.
Heartbreak Queen:
Don’t be so hard,
I know your heart is still fragile
Your soul is decorated with scars.
Heartbreak Queen:
Learn to let go of past pain,
Not every man you meet
Should be put to blame.
Heartbreak Queen:
Stop hiding behind bottles and cigarettes,
They won’t ever numb the pain
But will leave you full of regret.
Heartbreak Queen:
Learn self love first,
Only when you value yourself
Will a man appreciate your worth.
-ChristinaDelCarmen
The Heart and Mind conspire
When they create a so-called love.
They make you believe in magic
With tricks of butterflies and fairy dust.
They leave out what happens after forever
When Love finally claims you as a victim.
The true love story was imaginary
How quickly reality became fiction.
Nothing so pure can last
Eventually its perfection becomes tainted.
What good is a Heart and Mind that after love
Leave you without desire or will?
They keep you alive enough and sane enough
To endure the pain you were meant to feel.
-ChristinaDelCarmen
I’m broken down and can’t get myself together-
Don’t know how to handle this situation
Or find reason to make it better.
People tell me to forget you
to snap out of my denial-
Your actions are so far from your words
I was never getting past your smile.
I wanted to believe you weren’t worth it from the start-
So I let my mind do the thinking and put a rest to my heart.
But I was always an addict without even knowing-
You stole the confidence I had within
The minute you noticed my pride wasn’t showing.
It was sexual, personal, emotional, short but well-lived-
You were like the authority figure taking candy from this kid.
I blame myself for handing you all the power-
For doing all that pleased you even when the taste got sour.
But I swallowed it when I knew I should’ve spit it out-
Along with your lies, flattery and all of my doubt.
When I tried to speak my mind suddenly you went deaf-
When I knew I wanted you to stay–That’s when you left-
And right now I feel as chocked up as I was that day on my knees-
Here once again–lowering my self-respect and begging you please…
-ChristinaDelCarmen
If I had the chance to see you again-
I would know that our future wasn’t promised-
And with my heart I’d learn to be honest.
I’d give you more of my mind-
I’d try to be more understanding-
I’d learn to comprise-
If only I weren’t so demanding.
If I had the chance to see you again-
I’d stop time-
And hold you closer than I did then.
I’d stare into your eyes a little longer-
I’d kiss your lips a little slower-
I’d tell you how much I loved you-
If only I’d let my guard a little lower.
-ChristinaDelCarmen
I find myself holding on to this pen
Writing emotions that were left unsaid
Pouring from a heart that was left for dead…
And yet it still beats.
Although it’s inspired by you
The one who sent my heart to the moon
You’ve become the most painful muse…
You took the life you gave to me.
What felt too real to conceal
You kept locked up and sealed
Keeping me close enough to love you…
But did you love me?
Your ambiguity and my certainty
Were fixated on each other
We were lost in plain sight…
Somehow meant for one another.
Bitter-sweet how in defeat
My heart found the strength to keep loving you
A love so simple…
But complicated by you.
It was lost the moment it was found
Drained to emptiness when most profound
I shouldn’t even wonder….
If you ever loved me.
Some questions should not be asked
I know the answer behind that beautiful mask
Even if it was real at the moment…
It wasn’t guaranteed to last.
-ChristinaDelCarmen
I want to forget you
Erase you from my memory,
Numb the heart that beats
To the tune of our love story.
I want to forget you
Erase you from my history,
Burn the pages from this book
That my heart wrote for you and me.
I want to forget you
Erase your sins and my regrets,
Rid me of the ghost you left behind
Give me back the heart you kept.
-ChristinaDelCarmen
Love, why do you lie to me?
I follow your broken clock
Keeping track of irregular tick-tocks,
Calendar dates marked with empty promises of forever.
Why do you make a bitter Winter’s day
Feel as sweet as Spring in May,
Turn the hardest of hearts soft as a feather?
Show me what you are from the start,
Is it the bullet or knife
That will rip through my life?
Mind and heart transformed into empty vessels.
Insomnia’s friend holding on to a pen
Verbalizing the sour after-taste,
Left by the bitterness of your displeasure.
-ChristinaDelCarmen
This poem’s inspiration: “Sex can look like love, if you don’t know what love looks like” (Rebecca Walker).
At 3:00 a.m….
Sex says come over,
Love says I miss you.
Sex pins you down,
Love starts off by kissing you.
Sex can hurt the first time,
Love wants to heal.
Sex craves the touch,
Love wants to feel.
Sex won’t mind if it’s bare,
Love knows to protect more than your heart.
Sex disguises itself as love,
Love sets itself apart.
Sex has nothing to offer the next day,
Love stays with you after the night.
Sex controls the depths of lust,
Love allows the heart to take flight.
-ChristinaDelCarmen
The Heart That Keeps On Breaking... 